We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
