I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
