Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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