Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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