walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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