She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
