Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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