I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
