i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
