i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
