I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
