I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
