i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
