True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
