she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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