Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
