i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
