he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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