saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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