A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
