oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
