so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
