I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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