I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
