im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
