the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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