I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
