I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
