no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hippo gnu deer
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
