Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
