once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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