He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
