Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He shit in the fireplace
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
