I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
