my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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