I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
