Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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