so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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