definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize