you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
