So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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