I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
