I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
