hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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