My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
