My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
