thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
