Who did Billy Mays play for?
you would pick up someone in the library
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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