why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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