So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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