His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
