I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
