chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Less talking, more tequila
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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