Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize