I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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