Small penises have feelings too.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize