It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
