Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
