dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
