in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
