Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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