i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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