bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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