kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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