My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
